Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
