I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
not ubering you a puppy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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