I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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