I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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