You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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