the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
