Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
