i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
