Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
40s are totally the cure
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
