Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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