Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We need to get me chipped asap
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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