I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
