wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
