We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
