It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
