hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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