tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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