At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
