If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
