saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
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He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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