Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
