So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
