i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
