I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
