Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize