I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
