When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't deserve a penis
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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