STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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