I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
