i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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