Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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