i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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