i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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