it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
