Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
