You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
