oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize