So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
