I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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