i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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