If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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