So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
