He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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