It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
