Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize