I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize