fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
