I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
