the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
this is an emotional support booty call
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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