I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
