Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
