I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
