how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When did angry sex become our thing?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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