your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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