pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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