I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
