VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he fucked my hip out of place.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
