I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
