dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
