That's when you crack a 10am beer
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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