Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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