when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
